It was in April that I had my first panic attacks. It happened when I was previewing the coursework for the two weeks of training at BYU. I thought, "I'm not a university professor! I'm a first grade teacher. What do I know about creating a course syllabus for college students?" I really began to doubt I myself and it paralyzed me. I couldn't move forward. I have a motto "I can panic or I can pray" so I began to pray and gradually I could breathe again. I did some yoga exercises and that also calmed my mind. A scripture also came to my mind, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." OK, I'm better now. I won't bail yet. Now when these fears start to creep in, I also remember the advice of my brother Scott - "One step at a time and enjoy the process."

JANUARY
I started the process. I filled out the four page application, got the required signatures and sent it in. Now I wait to see if I get chosen for an interview in February.  I read a National Geographic book on China that I picked up at the dentist's. I started looking up YouTube videos with 'China' in the title. 
I also read 'Wild Swans' which was a wonderful view of three generations of Chinese women.
I also filled out an application to renew my passport.

APRIL: Wow! I received a contract! Well, a temporary, draft contract. But it made it more real. I have a few more hurtles to go through before I sign the real thing. To teach at Qingdao University, I had to fill out two more applications and take & pass a series of three timed tests: Behavioral Style (What would you do if a student began making a disturbance?) Basic Knowledge (What is a favorite treat at a Chinese birthday party?) and a Writing Test (Write a 250 word essay on Technology in 15 min). April was also the month I began getting my immunization shots: Hep A & B, Typhoid, TB chest xray,pneumonia, shingles and a couple of boosters. I also went up to visit Claire & Gordon for Easter weekend. We hiked and picnicked by a beautiful, rushing river. One highlight of the weekend was exploring the old gold rush town of Downieville and seeing the Banff film festival.

MARCH: I read the China Teachers' Handbook preparing for my interview. Then I reread it and read it again. I read the CIA nations report, and also continued to read my books on China. The phone interview with the program directors, Midge and Kirk, went very well, but was strange in a way. They asked me a few personal questions about me and my family. Then they took turns telling me about life in China. No questions about why I wanted to go or what I could contribute, or anything to distinguish myself from the other candidates. I said very little. It was more like a briefing. They said there were more applications than positions, so I supposed I shouldn't get my hopes up yet. But shortly there after, I got the 'Congratulations' letter, telling me my application had been sent to China! I was briefly excited, but then read that now the Chinese university had to accept my application and would notify me. (Suspended Animation) About two weeks later I got a positive response back from China! Qingdao University had a position for me! Hurray! I quickly got my passport renewed and faxed to BYU.

FEBRUARY: I applied for an expedited renewal of my passport, because I got an email from BYU saying they needed it asap. That sounds encouraging, right? But no mention of my application, so I just keep hoping. I flew out to visit Carrie & family in Atlanta, Georgia. Theo and I took long walks while Carrie worked in the ER. Lucy and I enjoyed cooking dinner and playing the piano together. We went to a couple of great restaurants serving authentic Southern/everything fried cooking. Mmmm, delicious! Then for contrast and exposure with Chinese food, we tried a Dim Sum restaurant. I liked it a lot! I watched BBC Languages/Chinese and tried to pick up a few words and phrases. Whew! This might be hard. On my last day Carrie and I took a tour through Atlanta CNN headquarters. Fascinating to watch the whole news process unfold. I got a call scheduling an interview. Aahhh, I'm nervous!

Weekend with Rachel

Even before hearing anything official about my application, I decided I needed to go visit each of my girls and their families before I left. I was anxiously waiting to hear, but still moving forward assuming that I was going. In January I spent a fun weekend with Rachel, which included eating Ethiopian food and sushi, watching the movie "War Horse", touring the Empire gold mine, and a shopping spree at Goodwill. Then on Monday Claire and Gordon joined us for an invigorating hike in a nearby canyon.

January 2012

JANUARY: Filled out and sent in application. Then started the agonizing waiting game. When will I hear if I've been chosen for an interview? While waiting, I become obsessed with learning all I can about China. I read and reread the program handbook. I check out books from the library and order six more. I snag a National Geographic on China from Dr. Rinker's office. I regularly visit youtube for anything Chinese.  

Application photo