It was in April that I had my first panic attacks. It happened when I was previewing the coursework for the two weeks of training at BYU. I thought, "I'm not a university professor! I'm a first grade teacher. What do I know about creating a course syllabus for college students?" I really began to doubt I myself and it paralyzed me. I couldn't move forward. I have a motto "I can panic or I can pray" so I began to pray and gradually I could breathe again. I did some yoga exercises and that also calmed my mind. A scripture also came to my mind, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." OK, I'm better now. I won't bail yet. Now when these fears start to creep in, I also remember the advice of my brother Scott - "One step at a time and enjoy the process."

JANUARY
I started the process. I filled out the four page application, got the required signatures and sent it in. Now I wait to see if I get chosen for an interview in February.  I read a National Geographic book on China that I picked up at the dentist's. I started looking up YouTube videos with 'China' in the title. 
I also read 'Wild Swans' which was a wonderful view of three generations of Chinese women.
I also filled out an application to renew my passport.

APRIL: Wow! I received a contract! Well, a temporary, draft contract. But it made it more real. I have a few more hurtles to go through before I sign the real thing. To teach at Qingdao University, I had to fill out two more applications and take & pass a series of three timed tests: Behavioral Style (What would you do if a student began making a disturbance?) Basic Knowledge (What is a favorite treat at a Chinese birthday party?) and a Writing Test (Write a 250 word essay on Technology in 15 min). April was also the month I began getting my immunization shots: Hep A & B, Typhoid, TB chest xray,pneumonia, shingles and a couple of boosters. I also went up to visit Claire & Gordon for Easter weekend. We hiked and picnicked by a beautiful, rushing river. One highlight of the weekend was exploring the old gold rush town of Downieville and seeing the Banff film festival.